To steal a phrase from a good friend of mine, oh let's call her KTOB, "I'd rather get shot in the face with a shit pistol" than go to The Taste of Chicago for five minutes! How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways....
The Weather
Is it just me (don't answer that) but how does this shit show's arrival always seem to coincide with the hottest and haziest day that this city can squeeze from its bowels? Even in a year such as this one where we have somehow managed to trade climates with Seattle, we are still expected to exceed 90 degree temps with plenty of humidity this weekend. Also, factor in the heat generated from the ovens and grills used to prepare the food at The Waste, and it feels as if you are trapped inside of Satan's armpit. Now, doesn't that give you the hankering for a whole turkey leg?
The People
Sure, the sheer number of sweaty and rude people who pack The Waste every year are enough to make Betty White use the "C" word, but the quality of these people is my main concern. Here are some of my past favorites:
-The "tank top tucked into jeans" guy: He usually has a 'stache or mullet or both, his tank top reads "Free Mustache Rides," and uses a red bandanna to wipe sweat from his brow and back. He's the guy trying to eat his BBQ ribs while cruising the fest for all of the high school chicks.
The Weather
Is it just me (don't answer that) but how does this shit show's arrival always seem to coincide with the hottest and haziest day that this city can squeeze from its bowels? Even in a year such as this one where we have somehow managed to trade climates with Seattle, we are still expected to exceed 90 degree temps with plenty of humidity this weekend. Also, factor in the heat generated from the ovens and grills used to prepare the food at The Waste, and it feels as if you are trapped inside of Satan's armpit. Now, doesn't that give you the hankering for a whole turkey leg?
The People
Sure, the sheer number of sweaty and rude people who pack The Waste every year are enough to make Betty White use the "C" word, but the quality of these people is my main concern. Here are some of my past favorites:
-The "tank top tucked into jeans" guy: He usually has a 'stache or mullet or both, his tank top reads "Free Mustache Rides," and uses a red bandanna to wipe sweat from his brow and back. He's the guy trying to eat his BBQ ribs while cruising the fest for all of the high school chicks.
-The "over-served shirtless" guy: He's the one sitting on the curb next to his stack of empty beer cups. He's sun burned, has his back pack on, and is trying to eat a piece of Lou Malnati's pizza, but his flimsy plastic fork keeps breaking. BTW, he rode his Trek bike there, but can't remember where he left it.
-The "fanny pack and pleated shorts" woman: She is sporting a a feathered she-mullet, a blue Kerry Wood t-shirt, walking around pushing a stroller with one hand, eating an ear of corn with the other hand and is asking "How far are we from Wrigley Field?"
-The "Chicago Bear or Cub or Sox jersey and jean shorts" guy: He's "fanny pack's" boyfriend, or common law husband and is in charge of her two other small children under the age of 4. He's wearing brown "mandals" or white sneakers and socks, Oakley sunglasses, and is walking around eating a combo from Buona Beef.
(Side note: Don't expect an "excuse me" from any of these lovely people as they bump into you throughout the day.)
The irony of this whole thing is that even though The Waste takes place in the city, most Chicagoans avoid it like a Cuba Gooding, Jr. movie. Sure, a great number of city dwellers who work down town stop by on their lunch breaks, but I cannot even recall an instance where any of my city friends has suggested that we go there for the day. And I have lived here for 9 years now.
The Food
Oh make no mistake, Chicago has outstanding food and restaurants. So why not just go to your favorite Chicago restaurant and have a more enjoyable experience? Unless, of course, you are one of those rare individuals that prefer standing and sweating while you dine. Just crunch the numbers and consider these three factors:
The irony of this whole thing is that even though The Waste takes place in the city, most Chicagoans avoid it like a Cuba Gooding, Jr. movie. Sure, a great number of city dwellers who work down town stop by on their lunch breaks, but I cannot even recall an instance where any of my city friends has suggested that we go there for the day. And I have lived here for 9 years now.
The Food
Oh make no mistake, Chicago has outstanding food and restaurants. So why not just go to your favorite Chicago restaurant and have a more enjoyable experience? Unless, of course, you are one of those rare individuals that prefer standing and sweating while you dine. Just crunch the numbers and consider these three factors:
-It's cheaper to valet your car than park it in a parking garage.
-You can actually sit and enjoy your food at a table with utensils.
-No one is sweating into your food, and you are not sweating while you eat.
After all, in these hard economic times, one has to consider all of their options carefully. Although, if you are one to wear fanny packs, or tank tops tucked into jeans out in public, The Waste just might be your cup of luke warm beer. Enjoy!
After all, in these hard economic times, one has to consider all of their options carefully. Although, if you are one to wear fanny packs, or tank tops tucked into jeans out in public, The Waste just might be your cup of luke warm beer. Enjoy!
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