The Summer D.B. Awards

Apparently summer is officially over, which I deduced from being able to cut bullet proof glass with my T.H.O.'s this morning. So with that in mind, I wanted to send out a hearty congratulations to this year's nominees for The Summer Douche Bag Awards.

The People Who Don't Say "Excuse Me" After Cutting Me Off With Their Shopping Cart
OK, I can tolerate those people at Jewel or Dominick's who inexplicably stand in the middle of the bread aisle contemplating the ever exasperating question of--Wonder Bread, or Butternut? I can also stomach the 10 deep line of 90-somethings who write a check for three bananas and a can of tuna. But what I just can't handle are those rude S.O.B.'s constantly cutting me off, running into me, or walking right in front of my shopping cart and not even offering a fake "oh, excuse me" or "I'm sorry." One of these days, I would love to beat them with the blunt end of a Swifter Wet-Jet!

The 6 Dumb Asses Arrested For Protesting The 2016 Olympics: http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2009/10/6-charged-in-burning-of-olympic-banner.html
Listen, I'm an angry, insignificant jack-ass, too. Start up a blog and complain until your heart is content like every other angry, insignificant jack-ass! It's a hell of a lot cheaper than bail, and your corn hole will remain intact. BTW, I love the fact that two of these geniuses are from the 'burbs and two are not even from Illinois--how would the inconvenience of the Olympics affect them in any way?

People Who Try To Enter The El While You Are Trying To Exit The El
This is a pretty simple concept to grasp peeps. It's the same principle that governs the exiting and entering of an elevator. As the elevator doors open, people exit the elevator and after everyone is out of the elevator then people are free to enter. So, the next time I am exiting the Brown line and you ignorantly try to push your way past me and I steam roll you out of the way causing you to miss your train, you'll have nobody to blame except for your dumb ass.


People Who Use The Word "Holla!" And Are Serious About It
I'm hip--I own three pairs of Pumas and a skinny tie, after all. OK, truth be told, I'm pretty lame--I wouldn't know Taylor Swift from Taylor Dayne. See, that's even a lame example. But there's something about hearing a college educated person, hell, even a high school educated person say "Holla!" that makes me cringe like I'm watching, well, any episode of SNL from the last five years.

Jaywalkers
As if I didn't have enough obstacles to maneuver around when I'm driving in the city, now I have to anticipate a person's/moron's ability to distinguish between a white stick figure walking and a giant orange hand indicating that pedestrians should stop walking? I say everyone hit the gas and chalk it up as population control.