The State of Chicago

Yes my faithful four readers, I'm back and I'm so thankful that I didn't lose any of you to the dreaded Swine Flu epidemic, oh I'm sorry, the H1N1 flu virus--it just rolls off the tongue so beautifully, doesn't it? Anyway, the Key West vacation was a great success and surprisingly, it even helped spawn my new blog topic. It is something that has fascinated me for years and has even made me cock my head like a confused dog on more than a few occasions. Here is the scenario:

There I am, in Key West with my lovely wife basking in the sunshine. We're in the pool enjoying our cocktails (very classy, I know), as we strike up a friendly conversation with a few ladies who are also drinking in the pool. The conversation went something like this:

Mrs. Sux in the City: So where are you ladies from?

Our new brunette friend: Minnesota, how about you two?

Mr. Sux in the City: We are from Chicago.

Our new blond friend: Oh wow, I lived in Chicago for awhile!

Mr. Sux in the City: Really? Where at in the city?

Our new blond friend: In Glen Ellyn.

Mr. Sux in the City: (head cocked like a confused dog) Huh. That's cool.

For those of you in my reading audience who don't know, Glen Ellyn is 30 miles west of the city, which hardly qualifies as Chicago. Now, K-Dogg claims that I'm being too hard on these people and constantly begs, "But you know what they mean--you live here. They mean the Chicagoland area." Precisely. I'm from here, so just say Glen Ellyn. If I was from Colorado or Texas, then you use the old "I'm from Chicago" routine, because how in the hell am I supposed to know where the hell Glen Ellyn is anyway? And to illustrate my point further, this conversation took place not 3 hours later on our hotel shuttle ride into Key West:

Mrs. Sux in the City: We canceled our Mexico trip, but we love it here--it's a hell of a lot better than Chicago!

Very nice older man: No kidding, we're from Chicago, too!

Mr. Sux in the City: Really, what part of the city do you live in?

Very nice older lady: Tinley Park.

Mr. Sux in the City: (head cocked like a confused dog again) Huh. Small world.

What is with this phenomenon? Do people who live in Irvine, CA say that they are from L.A.? Do people from Astoria, WA claim to be from Seattle (of course I had to look at a map for that info--that and I love The Goonies--sue me)? This is an outrage! I mean we have to put up with a hell of a lot to live here, as chronicled in my nonsensical rants every week. Why should somebody get to claim that they live in Chicago when they live 30 miles away?

I say we have some parameters put into place here. How about having a (312) or (773) prefix on your home phone number at least? Are we the only state that fails to acknowledge it's own existence? I tend to believe that we are the only state that does this and here's why. You may remember that when my wife asked our new friends at the pool where they were from, they said Minnesota not Minneapolis. And when I struck up a conversation with a couple of guys in said pool a few minutes later--one said he was from Oshgosh, WI and the other from Billerica, MA, they did not claim to be from Milwaukee and Boston.

I get the attraction. My own hometown is pitiful ol' Joliet, IL., or "Toiliet" as I like to call it. The only claims to fame that we have there is Stateville Prison, a reference in The Blues Brothers, and the model who married Peter Brady grew up there and that's it. The armpit of Illinois it is, Chicago it ain't!