Wow, it's been a long time campers--too long. You had to know that my "crotchiness" would get the better of me and that I would resurface eventually to blow off some proverbial steam. And, you were right.
Idiot Drivers
George Carlin said it best during one of his shows--"Why is it that everyone who drives faster than us is a maniac and everyone who drives slower than us is an idiot?"
Right. This never holds more true than when it rains, or when it snows in this city. Think about it. The people that are causing all of the problems on the roadways during these times are people either driving way too fast, or way too slow. I could maybe overlook this phenomenon if say--we lived in the Carribean and it suddenly started to snow, but for fuck sake--this is the midwest-- it snows here in June! And some people are mesmerized by the falling snow as if it were Blow Pops falling from the sky and not the frozen white flakes that we see here every winter...fall...and spring. It's simple peeps; drive the speed limit and don't be a jackass and we'll all get home in a timely manner. Whew, that really felt good!
Stupid Parents
I don't have kids, but one day I will. This would logically mean that I have not raised a child yet, so I'm not professing that I'm an expert on the subject. But, I do know how to say words like
no,
stop that, and
sit down though. Short story. I'm standing in line waiting for my order at Costello's (fantastic place, BTW) in Lincoln Square last week and there are two kids running around the place like Rosie O'Donnell at a Cinnabon. They were running into people, into walls, and into chairs.Where are the two parents you might ask? Feeding their faces without a care in the world--paying no attention to them what so ever. Here's a suggestion--put down the turkey club and try parenting for a few minutes. Or how about saying the word
no, that may work also. I'm sure that the little buggers know that word--it's usually the first fucking word that they learn, isn't it? Look, you don't have to yell and scream. You don't have to smack them. But, you do have to do something that resembles parenting for god sake!
The Airport
Why in the hell is everything at O'Hare so expensive? Are the airport's bean counters afraid your plane is going to crash and this might be the last time to screw you out of more money? A pack of gum $3? Bottled water $4? A $1 double cheesburger (at any Chicagoland McDonald's) at the O'Hare McDonald's--$1.49? And the airlines are even worse! I could just see the round table discussions at their board meetings and their thought processes. Our numbers are down and we want to woo our customers back...so how do we do it? OK, here is our Action Plan:
1.) More delays so more people miss their connecting flights.
2.) Charge $35 a bag and if they go over the 50lbs. mark, charge them an extra $50.
3.) Charge passengers $5 for headphones, $4 for a 1/4 can of Pringles, and $8 for a stale turkey sandwich but our overly iced drinks will remain FREE. Oh yeah, discourage the passengers from paying with cash and insist on credit cards just for shits and giggles.
4.) And finally, for flights that are over 6 hours let's make sure that we show two of the worst movies made that year to ensure a more miserable flight for our customers.
Thank you for flying U.S. Airways, have a wonderful day....
Which, by the way, I will never do again campers. Until we meet again.
