The Bummer of '09

As we inch closer to the end of another glorious summer in "the greatest city in the world," I have but one question: How will you remember your summer 2009? Beach umbrellas and blankets? I certainly don't doubt the umbrella part. Not that I didn't relish every moment of those 25 days of rain during May and June. Similarly, I will always remember having to wear a sweater and jeans combo to a rooftop party in July because of our lovely weather. Those are summer memories that you just can't buy, my dear readers.

I do have to send out a hearty thank you to the great states of Florida and Wisconsin for giving me a semblance of a tan this summer. This was the first summer in recent memory where I didn't even take my shirt off in the great state of Illinois--I think we were all winners in that game. The much maligned Mother Nature does have a chance to redeem herself in my world by blessing those of us going to see Jimmy Buffett at Alpine Valley this Saturday with nice weather. The forecast for Saturday? Mostly cloudy, High 66 and low 48--what a bitch.

I certainly do not want to turn my beloved stress relieving blog into a political debate (our sponsors don't condone that here) or a long winded rant on Global Warming. I would, however, like to know how this Global Warming epidemic makes a summer cold and a winter even colder? Are you aware that we didn't hit the 90 degree mark once this past July? If Global Warming is indeed such a crisis, why am I wearing a jacket in late August? And do I really have to remind you of our 8 month winter in '08-'09? Unlike most of the questions that I pose to you here, I do actually have an answer. In true "Sux in the City" fashion though, I'll present it in question form. Did you know that the Earth's temperature has raised exactly one half of a degree in the last 30 years (according to The Weather Channel)? Wow, at that rate we will really be in trouble in about 600 years. Plan accordingly my friends.

How will I look back on the summer of '09? Well, I will always remember the summer of '09 as the summer (or final straw) that convinced me that I need to relocate to a dryer climate for my sanity's sake. Seattle or Bust!

A New Fur(low) For Chicago

Welcome back campers for another addition of "Am I insane, or just ahead of my time?" (Sadly, we all know the answer to that) I'm freshly back from Fish Creek, WI (cue the Deliverance banjo) and I never thought that I would long for Chicago drivers, but I found myself doing just that on the drive home from Wisconsin on Sunday. (Don't worry, you aren't reading Sux in the Stix--Wisconsin) Why can't Wisconsin drivers use the left hand lane correctly? That was rhetorical of course, but if any of you has a theory, I'm all ears.

As I was watching Sunday's 10 o'clock news, the story of Monday's furlough day came on. In case you don't know what I'm referencing: http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-chicago-furlough-18-aug18,0,214093.story With it came an interesting point of view from a Bucktown woman who was asked her opinion on the city's furlough day: (and I'm paraphrasing here) "It's funny how the city can afford to bring in the Air and Water Show, but it's forced to have city workers sacrifice a day's pay to make the city's ends meet. If money is such an issue, why not cancel a needless show and save money that way?" Bravo, Bravo! She sounds like a Sux in the City reader! Honestly, I sat up in bed and said aloud, "Great question!" I couldn't have said it better myself. The most preposterous thing about the Air and Water Show is the fact that admission is FREE. That's right, in the city where nothing is free, there's no admission fee for attending this event. I love Chicago logic!

I must confess, I have more questions than answers for Czar Daley concerning the furlough days. Such as, weren't we just given $1 billion dollars by the federal government as part of its stimulus package? Where, oh, where did that money go Dick, excuse me Rich? I'll get back to that in a second. Also, weren't we also given another $1.5 billion dollars by privatizing the city's parking meters? Where, oh, where has that money gone, your Czarness? Has $2.5 billion dollars already been allocated and is the city really out of money once again?

Logically, since the city is broke, they are making a gigantic bid to host the 2016 Olympic games. (I admit that I have my own selfish reasons for wanting the Olympic games held here--none of which includes me telling more out-of-towners how to get back onto Lake Shore Drive, or where Wrigley Field is). Let me wrap my mind around this mess, we don't have enough money to fulfill the city's payroll--hence the inception of the furlough day--but we do have enough money to pay for the massive construction costs to prepare for the 2016 Olympic games (if we should get them)? Either the city has the money but is saving it for the Olympic preparation and doesn't want to pay their employees, or the city doesn't have any money and 2.5 billion dollars disappeared quicker than a corn dog in Kirstie Alley's hand. It has to be one or the other doesn't it? Either way, this is down right despicable behavior, but hey, that is the Chicago way.

Maybe it is high time to start thinking outside of the proverbial box here, Mr. Mayor. Maybe the next time Kentucky Fried Chicken offers to fix our potholes for free (a sentence that I never thought I would type in my lifetime), you'll actually contemplate the idea instead of asking them for $50 million for the right to fix our potholes for free. Or perhaps you could hire someone honest to look after that $2.5 billion so it just doesn't up and disappear again. After all, that is an awful lot of zeros to be left with our fine Chicago politicians, is it?

*******I apologize for the layout of this post, but the format on my blog has been giving me problems lately********

Sorry campers, but Mrs. Sux in the City and I are taking a well deserved siesta next week to Door County, WI. So, unfortunately, you'll have to find something much more interesting than this excuse of a blog to read. I suggest reading the back of a bag of Doritos, or you could give Perez Hilton's blog a whirl. Both are mildly amusing, but mostly filled with a lot of air though. Not to worry, I'll be back soon with more nonsensical ramblings before you know it.

Can You Hear Me Now?

I apologize, my dear readers, if this topic seems as cutting edge as an idea for a new vampire movie, or new TV series about vampires, but I can't keep ignoring it any longer. Also, I realize that I am making a gross generalization here but, hey, my blog is predicated on making such generalizations. Right?

With that being said--what is it about women and their refusal to use a hands-free device with their cell phones while driving? Ladies, plugging in an earpiece into your cell phone is no more difficult than putting a toilet seat down after urinating. We, men, are constantly being scrutinized for that, along with other minor infractions--such as, taking out the trash in a timely manner, or putting our dirty clothes into the hamper. However, none of these nasty little habits of ours, mind you, puts lives in danger. Granted, installing a Bluetooth device is slightly more involved, but it's no more involved than, say, picking up a bath towel from the bathroom floor after we are done using it. Again, this little bad habit of ours has yet to induce an 8 car pile up.

The ironic thing is that if you are dating a woman or even married, it's damn near impossible to get them to answer their cell phones. If I were to call Mrs. Sux in the City right now, I'd have a better chance of seeing a 6 page Playboy spread of Susan Boyle than getting my wife to answer her cell phone. By the way, Mrs. Sux in the City yells at her mother for not answering her cell phone. That is known as poetic justice, my friends.

While we are at it, what is with putting on make-up while you are driving? Sure, men rarely stop and ask for directions, but you'd be hard pressed to find a guy doing his hair or putting deodorant on during his commute into work. Let's be honest though, I would much rather have women talking on their cell phones than putting eyeliner on while they are driving. Eyes tend to be a very important component of safe driving--at least they were when I took Driver's Ed.

OK ladies, I'll leave it up to you. You can either A.) Keep talking on your cell while driving and continue endangering the lives of drivers around you & stop pointing out our obvious faults, or B.) Buy a Bluetooth, use it, and keep the lives of drivers around you safer & continue pointing out our obvious faults, but you can't have both!